A Date Gone Left: Who Should Pay When the Roles Are Reversed?

So, I decided to step outside of the usual and asked a guy out on a date. I thought, why not switch things up? We ended up going to a Mexican restaurant—nice vibe, good food, chill atmosphere. Everything was going pretty smoothly through dinner. We were laughing, having decent conversation, and I figured we were both enjoying ourselves.

Then the check came. The waitress placed the tab on the table and, naturally, handed it to him first. That’s the standard, right? Well, he didn’t keep it for long—he slid it right over to me. At first, I thought he was joking or just playing around. But when I realized he was dead serious, I was shocked. I looked at him and asked, “Why are you handing me the bill?”

He looked me dead in my face and said, “You asked me out, so you should pay.”

Now listen, I get that we’re in more modern times and gender roles are evolving, but something about that response didn’t sit right with me. I was genuinely taken aback. It’s not that I can’t pay. But when did it become acceptable to expect the person who extended the invitation to also foot the entire bill—especially when it’s a woman asking a man out?

So we start going back and forth at the table. Tension rising, voices getting louder, and I finally snapped and said something I probably shouldn’t have—called him a name. I’ll admit it: I let my frustration get the best of me. But I couldn’t understand how a man could just sit there and expect me to pay like that without even offering or discussing it first. To me, that felt less like equality and more like entitlement.

After I called him out, he didn’t take it lightly. He got real disrespectful. Started calling me out of my name, raising his voice, tossing around insults. It escalated so quickly I didn’t even know what hit me. And then—just like that—he got up and walked out. Left me sitting there alone, with the entire check, embarrassed, upset, and trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

To make matters worse, I didn’t even have the money to cover the bill. I genuinely hadn’t planned on paying for both of us. So, I had to do something I haven’t done in years—I called my mom and asked her to send me the money. I was humiliated.

Now I’m sitting here thinking about everything. Was I wrong for expecting him to pay, even though I asked him out? Was he wrong for assuming I’d cover the cost just because I initiated the date? Or was the whole situation just a misalignment of expectations that spiraled into something ugly?

What do y’all think? In 2025, is it fair for men to expect women to pay when they make the first move? Or is the gentlemanly gesture of picking up the tab still expected regardless of who initiated?

I really want to hear your honest thoughts on this. Because for me? That date was a disaster I’ll never forget.